Spiraling in HD: A Hyperactive Brain, Comparison, and the Fear of Not Being Enough

Some days, I feel like my brain is both my biggest gift and my greatest obstacle. I have a hyperactive creative mind that never shuts off. It’s always buzzing—new ideas, new projects, new things to learn. On paper, it sounds like a dream. In reality, it feels like I’m sprinting through a maze with no exit, terrified that if I stop, I’ll fall behind and end up broke, unemployed, and lost.

I’m only 18. I know that should mean I have time. But the pressure I feel is like a weight on my chest every day. I overthink everything—especially my job, my salary, my skillset, my future. I keep asking myself: Am I good enough? Am I doing enough? Will I ever feel safe and secure in my career? Will I ever be happy?

To cope, I self-teach constantly. I learn new software, study design trends, experiment with branding, redo my portfolio over and over again. I create like my life depends on it. Not because I’m always inspired—but because I’m scared. Scared of being behind. Scared of being average. Scared that if I don’t say yes to every opportunity—paid or unpaid—I’ll be unprepared for whatever comes next.

And then there’s LinkedIn. That cursed professional highlight reel.

I open the app and I’m immediately hit with a wave of everyone is doing more than me. People with clean portfolios, polished bios, certifications I’ve never even heard of. People who look like they’ve done everything “right”—and yet they’re still commenting under job posts, still looking for work, still in the same uncertainty I feel every day. If they’re struggling, what hope do I have?

Comparison isn’t just the thief of my joy—it’s practically my full-time job.

I’ve realized I’m more competitive than I ever thought. I grew up in a family that was very sports-focused, and I never felt like I fit into that kind of competition. But now I see it—I am competitive. Not with trophies, but with design. I want my work to stand out. I want the cleanest layout, the strongest concept, the best ideas. I want to feel like I’m winning—but in a field where there’s no finish line, just endless scrolling and endless doubt, it’s hard to ever feel like that’s enough.

Senior year has only made things messier. I procrastinate homework with productivity. I use my “free time” to apply for internships I don’t have time for, or volunteer for work I don’t even know how to do yet. I chase experiences like insurance policies against an uncertain future.

It’s not that I haven’t had success—I’ve actually had a lot. I started my first job at 15 at Crumbl Cookies, before they even officially hired people my age. I built my first website at 16. I was a verified Depop seller during the pandemic at 13. I’ve always found work. Always figured it out. But even now, even with proof of what I’ve done, I can’t shake the doubt. I keep telling myself it’s luck, or a fluke, or that I just haven’t been found out yet.

I keep spiraling.

Because even when things are going right, I worry it won’t last. That I’ll never feel safe, or stable, or genuinely proud of myself. That even if I make money, even if I succeed, I’ll still be stuck in this constant state of what’s next? what if? what now?

And in chasing that next thing, I miss the present. I miss being full. I miss being creative just to create, not to impress or compete. I miss the joy.

There’s this weird disconnect when you’re both talented and deeply insecure. When your life is full of wins, but your mind is full of what-ifs. When you’re constantly pushing yourself, but never giving yourself credit.

I don’t have a perfect ending for this blog post. No advice thread. No 5-step solution to peace.

Just this: if your brain feels like it’s spiraling too—if you feel stuck in the in-between of who you are and who you’re trying to become—know that you’re not alone.

We are building ourselves in real time. Messy. Beautiful. Exhausting. Creative. And maybe, just maybe, being someone who cares this much is also the very thing that will carry us through.